Developing a Soft Mouth

by Chris Koellhoffer, IHM   August 3, 2025

True confession: every so often something catches my eye on social media and I go down the rabbit hole in pursuit of it, losing track of time in the excitement and promise of the search. Judging by the number of pets and wild animals that appear in my Facebook feed, it would seem that Alice in Wonderland has nothing on me.

A recent rabbit hole experience led me to chase a singular trait of the Golden Retriever, beloved to me and so many. I’ve experienced Goldens up close thanks to my sister and brother-in-law’s family, beginning first with Bobbie, surely the most affectionate, gentle, and goofy creature ever to grace this world.

During my plunge down the rabbit hole, I discovered that Golden Retrievers were originally bred in Scotland as hunting dogs with the ability to retrieve game birds without harming them. Goldens are known for their “soft mouth,” a disposition towards gentle handling of objects, particularly when retrieving. Goldens can carry fragile things like raw eggs in their mouths without cracking or harming them. (Apparently, stuffed toys are the exception to this leaning). But it seems that this physical trait can also be a behavior, a way of life, a tendency to handle all objects gently.

This new learning offers spiritual parallels. My journey down the rabbit hole of Golden Retrievers has invited me to sit with the unusual trait common to this breed and to wonder how it might apply to our two-legged species. What might it look like if the human family deliberately cultivated a spiritual “soft mouth?”

In our world often marked by the marshaling of words weaponized to wound, demean, and separate, I often gaze at a piece of wall art hanging above my desk. It speaks to this question and my calling as a writer by reminding me, “Words are so powerful they should only be used to heal, to bless, to prosper.” Only that. Healing. Blessing. Doing whatever fosters the growth of the human spirit and of all creation. Promoting whatever ushers into all lives a worldview marked by welcome and tenderness.

We can cultivate a soft mouth even when protesting injustice, raising our voices loudly and with passion yet conscious of tone that respects the other. We can do this even when condemning social sin that oppresses those made vulnerable by poverty, hunger, or war, as we refuse to cut off the one sinning from the possibility of turnaround towards compassion. Is cultivating a nonviolent spirit possible, with God’s grace? Yes, absolutely. Is it difficult? Yes, beyond words. We know that making the Holy One’s stance of unconditional love our default setting is the work of a lifetime.

Recently I read a response from a woman who was asked why it was important to be kind, which I consider an essential quality of a soft mouth. She answered, “Because we walk past hundreds of people every day and none of them wear signs that say, ‘I’m grieving.’ ‘I’m exhausted’ or ‘I’m barely holding it together.’ But they’re everywhere. Kindness might be the only softness they receive today.”

As persons struggling to be the face of Love, the voice of Love, in a world both broken and beautiful, may the words springing from our hearts and flowing from our mouths foster healing, offer tenderness, and little by little transform every one of us.

Takeaway

Sit in stillness with the Holy One.
You may want to bring to your prayer a person or situation in your life that makes it difficult for you to practice a soft mouth.
Share this challenge with the Holy One.
Listen.
Ask for the grace of a deepening tenderness.

Featured Images: Faber Leonardo, Unsplash; Matt Collamer, Unsplash

NOTE:

August 11-18:

Please hold in your prayer all who will be part of a directed retreat at Villa Maria by the Sea Retreat Center in Stone Harbor, NJ. Villa Maria is staffed by the IHM Sisters (Immaculata) who have a special place in my heart. I’m delighted and honored to serve as the guest director for this retreat. Thank you for your prayer.

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