Still

by Chris Koellhoffer, IHM    March 2, 2025

If you know me, you already know that I’m not inclined in the direction of the penitential. So it may seem a glaring contradiction when I declare that Ash Wednesday ranks as one of my favorite days on the liturgical calendar. Permit me to explain.

I was excited the first time I was to serve as a minister of blessed ashes on this day. I had heard there were several predictable experiences for those who distributed ashes: the line to receive ashes would be seemingly endless and the people in the line would be mostly unfamiliar and unknown. Still, I was totally unprepared for what happened to me the first time I served in this ministry.

“Return to God with all your heart” was the rhythm of the day. I prayed to be a welcoming presence, especially to any strangers awkwardly coming forward. I tried to gaze into every face with the tenderness I imagined the Holy One gazes at each of us. It was what I saw looking back at me that utterly shook my soul and has haunted me on every Ash Wednesday since.

When I peered into the face of the first person I signed with the cross, I anticipated the customary countenance of the “regular” worshippers who received the Eucharist on Sundays. This was not that. This was a desire so intense that I gasped. Caught my breath. Not only the first face I met but on face after face after face. Longing was as transparent as if each person wore a neon sign announcing it. No matter that I hadn’t met most of the people lining up and knew nothing of their stories. I saw newborn hope. Felt the weight of past mistakes cast off by the chance of turning things around. Imagined earnest and whispered promises. Witnessed faint remembrances of childhood prayers. Gazed at a sea of faces wearing the names “Sincere” and “Longing” and “Hopeful” and “Returning” on their foreheads. I knew myself to be in the presence of the Holy and simply wanted to bow down.

I was shaken not only by a palpable immersion in the sacred but by a brief glimpse into what the Holy One sees at every moment in our midst. How we dare to come forward and hold out our wounds, our shame, our failures, and still receive an embrace. How we take one step closer and then fall several steps away but still are never let go. How our intention to live lives of more engaged prayer and right relationship with God and our neighbors doesn’t always align with our daily practice, but the affirmation of our faltering efforts still remains. How there is nothing that can ever permanently separate us from the heartbeat of unconditional Love. Still.

So yes, Ash Wednesday is coming and it signals a new beginning. May we find ourselves in readiness to return to God with all our hearts. Today and always. Over and over again. Still.

Takeaway
Sit in stillness with the Holy One.
Reflect on your deepest desire for this season of your life.
Share your hopes with the Holy One.
Ask for the grace to be the face of Love for every other face you gaze at today.

Featured Image: Zulmaury Saavedra, Unsplash

NOTE:
Blessings on the Lenten journey at its beginning and far beyond. Whatever your faith tradition, I can think of no soul work more critical at this time than helping to bring into being a world that is more just, peaceful, and inclusive. Thank you for your efforts to do that. May this be so!

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